I'm addicted to panera...

I hate to admit, but i ma officially addicted. I caught myself this week looking for opportunities to come here (this is my fourth time in one week). I love that i can come here check my email, blog, work, while drinking costa rican coffee. My favorite thing is the people. you see business men and women, moms with their kids, college students cramming for finals, girlfriends gossiping, a group of old men drinking their coffee, punk kids listening to their latest favorite song on their laptops. they all come and for a brief moment in time they are all unique and all the same. for one brief moment, we all agree on something, regardless of our politics, our socio-economics standing, our backgrounds. i find myself being optimististic that perhaps we all can find common ground and understanding.

"But you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above-to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted."
-Edward, Twilight

For a year now (i'm kind of a slow learner), God has been teaching me that we can be content to be mediocre or we can choose to be great. I've desired, as I'm sure most of us have, to have that choice; to have that opportunity to be great. However, now that I stand at the crossroads, choosing greatness is a very scary thing. It requires be to be intentional and deliberate. I could choose to be content. I would be happy and it would be easy. But, I could choose to take on new challenges and be stretched by God. That decision could lead to greatness (at least greatness in his eyes, which is really what matters).

I want to continually have Holy discontent. I never want to settle for being less than what God has in store for me.

so, i'm working with sherrita on dealing with children and their aggressive behavior. we've been talking about 1-2-3 magic, triggers, de-escalation, basically all the things good counselors, case workers, etc. should be talking about, but somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking about adults and how we really aren't that different from kids. we just aren't as open with our aggression. we become passive observers waiting for the perfect moment to respond with a sardonic comment that cuts to the core but which we can pass off as "just kidding." The recipient responds with a passive shrug of the shoulders while they quietly plot in their minds a simple retaliation. a retaliation they can pass off with a calm, deliberate voice to mask the hurtful intention in the message. a retaliation we deliver over a meal with friends so there is a buffer to keep things from getting too open, too confrontive. we create this vicious cycle all because we are ashamed of our vulnerability, our emotions. we are afraid to be honest in our relationships, so we create this wall against intimacy. so, how do we break the wall down? can we? what if the other party isn't willing? do we let it go and become an accomplice in the passive-aggressive game or do we confront it knowing that in the end we may just have to count our losses?

stay posted. can't promise wonderful insight or profound witness, but you will get honest opinions.